they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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