I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
