Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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