are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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