She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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