Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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