Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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