it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
