life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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