found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Congratulations! We have a period
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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