I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
