I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
