Define "chronic" masturbator.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
