if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
