i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
