I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
