I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
