Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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