we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
