I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize