I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Randomize
