she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
