worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
