I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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