And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
