I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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