My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
