before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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