I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
