i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
