I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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