How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
