I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
