Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i dont even know how to be here
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
