I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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