I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
