Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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