Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
