We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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