Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
