some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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