i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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