My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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