So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
