I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just gift wrapped bread.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
