If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
