I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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