I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
