I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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