I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
