I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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