Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
True strength comes from lack of pants
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