i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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