he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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