dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
