nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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