i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
