I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
