doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
