Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
