Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you didnt know i had herpes?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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