Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
