handjob tips. give me some.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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