don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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