he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you had me at cake vodka
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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