I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I had to cum in my sink.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
