people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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