was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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