dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
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