they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
