I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
