i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
