ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
