3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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