we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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